When Christmas Hurts. Five Gentle Ways to Look After Your Heart.
Christmas can be such a tricky time of year if you’re grieving. The memories, the traditions. It’s the time that families come together-except for you- there is someone missing.
I think the worst thing for me is when I go and unearth the stockings from the Christmas box and I have to put two back in. No longer needed. It’s a gut punch every time.
Here’s five simple things that have helped me through a decade of grief. Whether this is your first Christmas without your mum or 21st, be kind to yourself. ❤️
1. Make space amongst the chaos
Carve out a little time for yourself to remember her. Let the tears flow. Have a chat with her, tell her the news. It’s a good release of the emotions and tension. It’s okay to miss her, it’s okay to remember years gone by. Let your loss be suffused by happy memories.
2. Honour her
What can you do to connect yourself with her and your memories? My mum used to make mince pies by the bucket load so I’ve taken on this tradition, using her recipe. It makes me feel close to her. It also reminds me of my dad who used to eat two before they’d even cooled and get scolded! This memory makes me smile.
3. Surround yourself with those who light you up
Those who make you feel loved and happy are the people you need around you at this time. Friends, family, children, perhaps colleagues. Who are the ones that you can fully relax with, make you laugh and light you up? These are the people you need to prioritise seeing.
I know at Christmas there are occasions where you just have to suck it up and see people that drain you, but if this happens, communicate clearly when, how long and where you’ll be seeing them. If you limit your together and maintain your boundaries you should find it a lot less draining.
4. Try something new
Christmas is different now so why not bring in your own tradition or challenge? Something that can become the new normal? Rather than holding on so tightly to the memories, think of a new tradition that works for you, that makes you smile, that brings you joy, happiness or even a bit of a challenge- how about an ice bath on Christmas morning?! We did this as a family one year and it was great. Will we keep it up? Time will tell!
5. Enjoy yourself
And finally, don’t forget to give yourself permission to have fun and let go. It’s okay to be happy. She would want this for you. Enjoy time with those who are still here. Have the drink, play the games. She’ll be smiling down on you and she’ll be proud of your strength and resilience.
If you’ve liked having some prompts and reflections you may like Held: my FREE 5 day audio journal. It’s 2-3 mins each day supporting you through guided reflection. A moment of calm in your busy day. You can sign up here.
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Helen x
